I beg it's not over.

It's pretty sad how everything ends so quickly, like how danceworks ended. Ah, screw this. I dont wanna blog bout this.

This stupid feeling doesnt go away. I want to cry, now!

Marie's a big girl, and big girls don cry. So we wont be sore losers and cry over split milk, we must be strong and face reality. I'm taking this SO well.

I'm so free now, i stay back to study. Not to dance, meanwhile i'm looking forward to Wednesday cause there's the St Pat's performance rehersal! Oh yayness. No more dancewroks means no more dance and that also means fat. Oh god, damn it.

I flunked history and mothertongue. Okay, i know youre not suprised so just shutup and stop gloating cos you did better. Gosh, damn it. I'm back to this, eateateat lifestyle now. Most probably, i'll be spending my day eating and sobbing over stupid things, hah. Loser! Got Nicholas Spark's True Believer today. Sounds like good stuff. Hopefully the book'll keeep me far away from pigging out.

I'm sorry if you've mistaken me for something i didnt do, i'd gladly make myself clear that i dont know anything you dont want me to know. Though i dont know what is it youre trying to hide. I wish you'd initiate to talk things out.

Dont blame me if i say i'm not over you.

Sore feet.

I cant stop seeing trees. I need this to stop before my eyes go green. Plus the happy feet song is tapping in my head. Ew, this sucks. I'm gonna sue whoever came up with that bloody trail thingaling. It should've just rained, then we wouldnt have walked. Now i regret not taking the three-day MC. I'm so tired my eyes are on the verge of closing.

Sore feet, aching shoulders and tearing bloodshot eyes, this couldnt get worse.

Pitifully yours,
Marie <3

Fevour

I call it sisterhood.


Still cant figure out why Esterlina decided to dress her daughter up as a chinadoll. My cousin and her goofy ideas, it's CNY anyway! But boyyy, aint she adorable? She makes me wanna pinch her cheeks out. *Evil Laugh :D


Little picture of Cousins, Sisters and basically family.

I'm absent from school, once again. After a public holiday. My eye hurts and the doctor gratned me an MC. It's really the first time i actually wanna be in school. Wednesdays are the most slack, and we have nice long lunch breaks. ): And i'm missing all of that. Tmrw's the hike at some hill in spore. It's Bukit Timah i think, then it's dance after that. I dont want to imagine how tired i'll be. ):

There's dance today, i'm still considering if i should go, competition so near and stuff. But on the other hand i'm so afraid i'll get caught. I'll just prolly fix up and excuse saying " I felt so much better later in the morning, so i decided i'd come for my CCA" Hah, good one right? All hail the art of lying. :D

And so as i'm typing out this post, i'm tearing. Non-stop, the sty in my eye just irritates the hell outta me. So there's this cream thing that i was precribed to use. And i'm directed to squeeze it into my eyelid. Well not that i havent done it before, but it's harder this time cause the sty's bigger and more swollen. Now, see the pain i'm put through? : //

Coke cans of love,
Marie <3

Summer nights.

So it's cheena new year! Okay, this year was okay. Kinda boring though. Like other years. I didnt really have the chance to actually look forward to it. Cause of danceworks and all. It's pretty hectic i must say. CNY gets me thinking, about kinship and all. All that everyone says is most important.Not that i disagree, but that when i see all the three of us(Both my sisters and I) dread going to that one aunty's house, i kinda get guilty. Fact is, we dont like her that much. For being sucha snob and all, but actually i think we should learn to tolerate. And so we did this year, though we just sat there and said nothing. What more could we say? With her oh-so-perfect life, perfect husband, and two perfect and smart sons. God is unfair.

And guess what, i realised i forgot to take the Catholic Welfare Tickets outta the house, TODAY. And that pretty much means i have to buy the whole donation booklet. Ah, heack. FOR A GOOD CAUSE PEOPLE. School starts tmrw. I dont if thats a good thing, considering that i just had a good long break and i'm kinda lazy to get back to school mode. But having school means losing weight! And losing all those persistant blobs that i've gained this CNY. Now enough with the goodies Marie Lee.

I lied, i told mum i'd completed my homework. But i'm actually looking forward to copying everything tmr. Hah, i know. It's so typical of me. Ohmy, hopefuly she doesnt read blogs. My template's kinda dead. But i guess i'm sticking to this. No tagboard whatsoever. No links. But you guys could comment though. I'm kinda lazy for all the tag board shit. And perhaps these blogskins are good for a change. Havent been reading much, gotta get down to bussiness. With danceworks this week, and CAs the next, i hardly have anytime for anything. I need a time manager, if there even is such a thing.

Time for some Sweedish Bitter, soothe the throat yall.
LATERRR. <3

For the coming, and the meeting of tomorrow.

I'm sadly, not in a very chinese new year-y mood right now. So i shant blog about new year, not until the second day gets past. So its goodies, goodies more goodies. Ohgod, how fat can i get. Come on yall, lets burn the scale.

"Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more. "
Alfred Tennyson.

Oh god, i dont think anyone can ever write like that anymore. He is a god yall.

Danceworks is coming so so soon, i doubt we're prepared, really. I'll just keep praying we'll do our best. We can do this Pulchritude! : D

Say, hey!

I'm in school now, having animagine. Everyone's slacking away, no one's done their story boards. And no one cares. Sheesh.

Weight issues, i guess everyone goes through them sometime in their life. it's just whether things get serious a not. i've always been obsessive about these things, i believe it's in the genes. I guess, i live to lose weight yknow. Like seriously, i've always been trying to get on diets and stuff. This sucks, i dont wanna be yellow. One try, i'm filled with guilt. And crying over weight issue just makes me feel stupid, like totally. Vanity? It's all on the outside, but thats what people see right? That was people use to judge you, and thats what will be you. What people will think of you. I guess.

Kim is talking to this i-dont-know who guy, and they dont know each other. Ohgod, how scary.

I have to go now, moving on.

Say, hey!

I'm in school now, having animagine. Everyone's slacking away, no one's done their story boards. And no one cares. Sheesh.

Weight issues, i guess everyone goes through them sometime in their life. it's just whether things get serious a not. i've always been obsessive about these things, i believe it's in the genes. I guess, i live to lose weight yknow. Like seriously, i've always been trying to get on diets and stuff. This sucks, i dont wanna be yellow. One try, i'm filled with guilt. And crying over weight issue just makes me feel stupid, like totally. Vanity? It's all on the outside, but thats what people see right? That was people use to judge you, and thats what will be you. What people will think of you. I guess.

Kim is talking to this i-dont-know who guy, and they dont know each other. Ohgod, how scary.

I have to go now, moving on.

Say, hey!

I'm in school now, having animagine. Everyone's slacking away, no one's done their story boards. And no one cares. Sheesh.

Weight issues, i guess everyone goes through them sometime in their life. it's just whether things get serious a not. i've always been obsessive about these things, i believe it's in the genes. I guess, i live to lose weight yknow. Like seriously, i've always been trying to get on diets and stuff. This sucks, i dont wanna be yellow. One try, i'm filled with guilt. And crying over weight issue just makes me feel stupid, like totally. Vanity? It's all on the outside, but thats what people see right? That was people use to judge you, and thats what will be you. What people will think of you. I guess.

Kim is talking to this i-dont-know who guy, and they dont know each other. Ohgod, how scary.

I have to go now, moving on.

They told me i didnt need you.

So marie's going through this, omg-i'm-so-busy lifestyle now. And i'm lovin' it. Though i'm stressed out by danceworks and tests. This reminds me, there's statistics test tmr. I'm a screwed up Math student. Gahh, i'm in no mood to care. A few hours ago, the hairstylist screwed up my hair. Excuse me!? It's for CNY? I'm staying home this chinese new year, and i mean it!

Shopping spree ytd, with the company of Jiahui. She's so indecisive i tell you. Took so long to decide whether to buy those brown cordrouy pants. I love shopping mann, it's a major stress reliever! I still queston why dad says "it's a waste of time'. So please pardon the irregular posts during this period of time. I gotta manage my time and eliminate the extra! : D This is so workin' yo.



Valentines day is coming! I'm gonna get my dress for my date with the secret admirer! No, kidding. I'll be spending valentines day with Pulchritude. Yknow how they say, "go through thick and thin, festivals and seasons?' HAWHAWHAW. I totally didnt make that up. I havent bought the gifts yet. But i'm utterly broke thanks to the constant overeating. Have i mentioned I'm-so-over diets? Diets are so last summer, fatsos are in the trend! Skinny people, please make your way to the dustbin, thanks.

Though i love dance so so much, i kinda miss after school lunches. Havent been keeping up with people lately and the gossips getting around make meso clueless about everything. What makes a girl without gossip mann? Hoho, i sound like such a bitch.

Dinner time! Hooray for food!

Anxiety attacks;

It's Saturday, 10th Feb 12:45 am. I usually dont consider the next day till i wake up from my sleep. So yeah. So anyway, tmr's full dress. With the comm seniors syf people and all. Gahh. I'm so scared. : ( Imagine the real day. GAHH.

25 Feb, Sunday. Everyone be at Marina Square to support Pulchritude! : D

I was supposed to see the doctor today, he went for some holiday. So we ended up shopping. Mum and Mindy bought their CNY clothes. So many ehh! I need pumps like badly. I need to shop! But sadly there isnt time. ):

Okay so back to danceworks. I'm afraid i'd let loose again. Okay, time to psyche myself. MARIE LEE WILL TIGHTEN. Gahh, just loosen up and i'll look like i'm flinging again. Bad habits die hard, so true yall. My stomach hurts, and my ankle hurts too. Bloody hell, I hope i pull through dance tmr. I'm a bloody weakling lah. I'm so tired.

I've gotta wake up at 7 tmr to paint the capsule for danceworks. Cause the glue isnt dry yet. Oh danggg, i'm so screwed. It has to be done by 930. Tell me how! I'm gonna get blasted. So there's dance at Youth Park tmr, should i go? I have lotsa work not done, not studied. I cant cope lah, seriously. Mabel's going, and she's bugging me to. Now Mindy wants to go. Mum and Dad'll go too. No, i'm kidding. Mabel did quite okay for Os. : D Lets not mention no nothing about Science Prac nor Chinese test. I screwed it all. Then again, when did i seem to care (well thats acc to mum)?

Meanwhile it's time for me to get some good sleep for the long day tmr. Farewell folks.

Lose weight lose weight lose weight!

Looking through the hourglass, dont know what has gone and passed.

I'm so bloody pissed. I cant find my freaking glasses! So now i'm wearing the old ones which look like crap. Ohgod, and the degree is making me giddy. Okay now, i feel so damn stressed. I hate school. I hate damn Ms Au that keeps saying it's the end of me, just cause i cant memorise the freaking chemical formulaes. Why do teacher's keep putting us down. Arent they supposed to encourage us? Pfft. I'm so used to this.

I love dance, yey i love dance. But nobody friggin listens to me! Oh feel my pain. I dont blame them, cause i'm totally younger. But hello?! For the sake of the competition yall! I mean, you can just not care about me. But the competition?! Omgomgomg, yall can be the death of me. :/ Danceworks is coming, i'm so scared. We're totally not up for it. We gotta work.. ten times harder! Easier said then done, really.

I have so much to study, my world revolves around, studying and dance. Well thank goodness for dance if not there'll be no more ways to destress! Jiaher and Jaime have been shopping. I wanna go too. I'm so sad i tell you. Okay Marie shutup and stop complaining. I'm such a pig, i have chai tiau kway today. I swear nothing works. FOOD IS JUST LOVE.

I have to study now.
I FORGOT TO BUY PVA GLUE. How now brown cow?

Note to self: Youre too busy for any of these right now, toss them at the back of your mind and concentrate on what needs to be done.

Happy i shall be.

Marie never ever gets anything right. I bloody hell screwed up at Techniques today lah. I cant help but be such a sucker. Spins are all wrong, feet not pointed, not on demi. Oh god, you see how much i suck. Okay, lets just do hiphop all year round. And still, my hiphop isnt too up to standard. Well i gotta keep working. The expectations of us at dance is so pressurising, Bel was so angry today. Freaked me out like totally. Dance hard marie, DANCE HARD.

I can do this, i can do this, i can do this. Miss Wee is nice, Miss wee is nice, Miss wee is nice.

I swear nothing's working. Okay now heck that. I'm so scared for Science Prac, i tell you i'll just forget howta turn on the bunsen burner, and sit there and cry yknow. Seriously, i never get anything right when my nerves act up on me. Like oh god, now how. Omg how depressing is this. I dont ever listen in class, gotta get rid of that bloody book i write in every period of the day.

Now someone tell me, why did Japan fight the Japanese Occupation? Like whyy, why are they so bloody mean.

I hate math! Oh god, why are we learning to draw tables?! Not like i'll every become a table-drawer. What am i talking about. I'm not auditioning for the musical, Marie Lee stop being ambitious. I have to get my act together, stop getting distracted and dance and study hard! I keep lying to myself. I feel so fat, you big blob of fats. And are you suprised? I wouldnt mind being anorecxic. Funny how far people go for vanity.

LOSE WEIGHT MARIE, LOSE WEIGHT. STOP EATING MANN. AND STOP THOSE MILO BREAKS. HEY FAT MARIE, HELLO MARIE/FATASS. HELLO FATSO.
Come on, i can so do this. Lose the weight, lose it fast. (At least before danceworks).

I'm angry no longer sad, but angry and disappointed. I feel like drowning in a big sea. And never coming back.

Giving up.

Okay, marie will from now on. Concentrate on her studies and dance. And stop letting other things distract her. Yes, i can do it mann. So there's Science prac, Chinese test, and Essay exam next week. Oh not forgetting the auditions and danceworks practice. Goodbye after school lunches. No wonder Mabel says dance shuts you off from your social life. I guess so.

So i just finished my homework, packed my geog file and planned out my week. Yes, i'm all set for the challenge mann, like bring it on! : DD Ohmy, i suddenly feel so, accomplished. HAHAHAH, I cant believe i'm saying this.

All these stuff i'm saying, totally contradicts what i'm doing. The books are in the locker! I never ever bring any books home. Aiight, i suck. Oh! I brought my shou ce home though. That rocks lah. Whee, i'm high on mars bars. See the calories? I havent had one in 234513451 year. We deserve to treat ourselves a little at the end of the week. : D

Note to you two: Oh, what's new. You'd prolly be guessing how much life sucks for me without yall. But let me prove you wrong, i dont see no more need in getting upset cause of people like you guys. Yeah boy, crush us and bring us down. That doesnt make you a better person. Maybe doing these stuff just makes you feel better bout yourself. If it does, go on breaking hearts. In the the ones hurt wont be us no more. You guys have totally no idea how much this hurts me. But i guess you dont really care. So guess what? I wont care too. So lets just pretend the past year hasn't happened. Isnt this the way you want things?

Ohgod Marie, get a grip.

But all i really want is to hold you tight.

Dance really cheers me up, whole lot. Though i felt so inferior at the YouthPark Remix class just awhile ago. I'm sitting at staring, but i feel a whole lot of endorphines running through my body. : D This rocks. Dance is good, makes me happy and the company makes everything better. I'm so going for next week's class.

School's going so not well, my geog file's not done. Or should i say, everything's not done. Homework's in a mess and chemicals and ions give me headaches. Tell me i'm not too involved in dance. I think without dance i'd just be an emo kid. Bonnie, Khym, Jiahui, and Jewel are just so funny. My dance coaches are so hawt. But they're ideas are so queer, Mud people? EEKS!

I turn away, by the next second i turn back, i see everything splitting up. Oh gosh, how much this hurts me. Everyone's hurting everyone. I hate seeing these things happen. What happened to our happy holidays. Everyone was so happy then, i understand things change and hearts too. But why, the sudden change? It's like as if everything's planned. Like as if things are meant this way.

I guess some things are just meant to be, and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, maybe it's an obstacle we have to overcome, maybe things arent that bad. I just hope for the best because i rmb when everyone was happy and that time was the time of my life.

I feel pressure, like it's a thousand blocks piling on me, causing each part of me to crumble down.
Friendships, dance, school, I salute whoever can juggle it all.

Like when youre stuck in a rut, that refuses to budge.

Sometimes you allow things to get the better of you, you think youre hanging on strong but you see things falling apart one by one. You are alright, but when all else fades you see the broken part of you left behind. Then the cycle starts again.

I'm utterly disappointed, i hate the fact you think youre the only one. The fact that only 'Me' revolves around your world. I used to see you as such a great friend, the one i thought i could lean on. Well blame me, and my stupidity. And my horrible skill of judging people.

Things dont only concern one, they concern all. I hope you do see that. And that seeing things like this makes me angry, but even more hurt. So if you dont mind, please excercise some consideration for us, and quit your brandwhore bestfriend shit. It ain't getting no where for me, and it shouldnt be for you.

Friends, cant live with them, cant live without them. Things get bitchy, no one bothers. What happened to everything we thought we shared. Other than the bitching, the telling tales and all the rest left bad. Friends forever, i believed once that existed. I believed that existed in us. Now i think it's just a catchy phrase humans use to decieve. I learnt my lesson, now i'm just paying for naiveity.

If you think it hurts you to go through this,
it kills me.
Thanks for the stab right there,
you woke me up,
Told me to thank you for all that crap.
Well thanks, i wont ever fall for your trap.

Life's imperfections.

Samp, Jewel and Rachael said i lost weight! Like whoooo. School went past fast, except for the stupid science thing we had to stay for. Pfft, Ms Au makes me hate science. Anyway, dance is getting intensive. With daily practices till six, and tuition after that. I'm going mad. But busy lives make me forget to eat. So thats good. Then i'll have a good body for CNY! I've always had this weight obsession thing. Cant get over it yknow. Tsk.

My sisters are going to JB to get clothes tmr. And i'll be alone at home. School sucks. ):

Time for the run!
I can't believe you, i really thought we were friends. Now that we're this far, I dont see a need for trying to salvage this.